September 2009
57 posts
BJ and Nadia
Okay, I guess that’s it, folks.
Luke and Tali will go on to make some seriously well-fed half-Christian, half-Jewish kids!
And Luke is smarter than we thought he was.
BJ and Nadia
The good news: Luke got down on one knee and proposed to Tali!
The bad news: He never managed to get back up.
Nadia and BJ
We can’t believe it. Luke picked the right girl! (We literally high-fived when we realized Luke was picking Tali)
Luke (to Malissa): I never wanted hurt you.
Nadia (as Malissa): Don’t worry, you didn’t. I just wanted to win the game show.
Nadia
This is so exciting. Whose massive stomach rolls is Luke going to spend the rest of his life with?!
BJ
Malissa: All I want is to hear him say is,”I choose you, Malissa.”
And,”Delivery is on the way.”
BJ and Nadia
At the final ceremony, Tali looks great!
Malissa looks fatter than ever!
Clearly the producers are using the hair, make-up and costume persons to advance their (much deserved) bias for Tali.
BJ and Nadia
Luke (on his fear of proposing to one of the girls): Maybe she’s had time to think about it, and she feels it’s too much, too fast.
I bet she never felt that way while sucking down a milkshake.
Nadia
Luke goes out to pick an engagement ring.
I didn’t know Big and Tall had a jewelry department.
Nadia
Malissa wakes up and raises the blinds (her morning workout).
BJ
Luke: I don’t take falling in love lightly.
How could you with those two milk cows you’re dating.
Nadia and BJ
Malissa says, “I wish that every guy I ever went out with looked at me (the way Luke does). It makes me that much more confident.”
Just an example of why we think Malissa is a piece of shit.
BJ and Nadia
Luke and Tali’s final dinner date: Tiny portions
Luke and Malissa’s final dinner date: HUGE portions.
Looks like he’s picking Malissa. (Boooo)
Nadia and BJ
Please don’t be mislead by dozens of the snarky fat jokes.
We are half way through the finale, and we are debating non-stop about which of these women Luke is going to pick.
BJ
Luke’s Mom: Malissa seems like a well-rounded young woman.
Zing! Wow, she really hates Malissa.
Nadia
Luke’s Mom (divorced from his prejudiced, mouth-breathing father) asks the ladies,”So I was wonder, ladies, why would you come on a show CALLED More To Love?”
I KNEW I loved this woman!
And after she asks this question, Luke makes this face.
BJ
Luke’s family MUCH prefer Malissa to Tali so far. For them, she just has that SPECIAL quality (of NOT being a Jew).
Nadia and BJ
Luke and Malissa continue to eat pizza.
Luke explains that “Pizza and beer are staples.”
In an effort to not sound like a complete disgusting fat pig, Malissa modestly adds, “Me too! I like to have pizza at least once a week.”
BJ: I think it’s the “at least” part that’s the problem.
BJ
I’d guess Malissa has never come across her version of “NOT my kind of pizza.”
Nadia
Malissa and Luke sit down to eat pepperoni pizza and beer after playing pool.
Malissa “Wow. That’s a lot of cheese …”
Uh oh, she’s about to complain.
Malissa continues “That’s my kind of pizza!”
Phew, that was a close call.
BJ
Luke takes Malissa to shoot pool.
Move over, bowling. There’s another sport for fatsos.
BJ
Tali: I think Luke and I have the same perspective on life.
Yes. ”Can you super size that?”
Nadia
Luke is discussing Tali’s fear of water with his family. Brother: So how did you convince her to get in the ocean?
Told her there was a swim-up Hometown Buffet?
BJ and Nadia
Luke just said, about meeting his father,”The really did break the mold AFTER my father!”
Wow. I’d like to meet the guy they made AFTER they got done with your father. He’s probably a really interesting guy.
Nadia
Luke: I’m just getting that much closer to the woman who could be my wife!
Who’s going to be there to hold his hand during his first quadruple bypass surgery?
BJ
Luke: I realized there’s a lot more to Malissa than meets the eye.
There would have to be, unless you have some amazing peripheral vision.
BJ
In our look back at his dates with Malissa and Tali, we are reminded of how many times Luke had his shirt off on this show.
I seriously don’t understand why women have to cover their breasts on television and Luke doesn’t have to.
EPISODE EIGHT STARTS NOW . . .
BJ
Next week on More To Love: Malissa: If you ask me to marry you, yes. A thousand times, yes.
She usually only says,”A thousand times, yes” when getting popcorn at the movie theater when they ask her,”would you like butter, and how many pumps?”
BJ
There’s only ONE more episode after tonight. They have to let the girls go faster on this show because they can’t afford to feed them.
Nadia
Elle: Malissa, Tali. Congratulations.
This very fat man wants to hang out with you for a little longer.
Nadia
Malissa: My heart is on the line.
Your heart has been on the line ever since you decided become a regular at Cinnabon.
Nadia
Luke: Lunch was phenomenal.
Lunch is always phenomenal for Luke. Dinner, breakfast, snack time, picnic time.
BJ
Why do I keep forgetting that Mandy is a fitness trainer? To be fair, she does eat considerably more potato chips than my fitness trainer.
BJ
Tali is going snorkling with Luke. She’s afraid of going into the ocean.
I’m afraid for her. I hope a plane doesn’t mistake her for one of the smaller islands and try to land on her back.
BJ
This make out is never-ending. Just slightly less sexy than a National Geographic film I once saw of walruses mating.
BJ
Luke and Melissa are making out in his room. A new meaning to the phrase “Hot and heavy.”
BJ
Luke tells Malissa: I hope you don’t mind. I had them deliver the dessert to MY place.
I thought Malissa was going to be furious to have to wait so long to eat dessert.
BJ
Luke and Malissa find the perfect thing to do after a picnic. Go to dinner!
Nadia
Malissa is riding a dolphin. This is more cruel than what goes on at The Cove.
Nadia
Luke takes another girl on a date to a Sea Park. How many whale jokes are they going to tempt us to make?
Okay just one last more -
Luke and Malissa swim with the dolphins. I wonder how much the Sea Park charged the dolphins to swim with whales.
BJ
Luke: I think Malissa and I make a great physical match.
I agree. I hope being in Hawaii inspires them to Sumo wrestle.
BJ
The women are very excited to go to Hawaii. They can’t wait to be somewhere they don’t look out of place in their moo moos.
EPISODE SEVEN STARTS NOW . . .
BJ
It’s revealed that Luke is taking the remaining girls to Hawaii. That’s JUST what they need in Hawaii. MORE fat people.
BJ
The bad news: Anna is left in tears after the ring ceremony. The good news: Her eye ducts are filled with waffle batter!
Nadia
The night of elimination. The amount of stress is proportionate to how many hors d’oeuvres everyone crams down their throats.
BJ
Okay, now that I’ve seen these women’s families, I feel guilty about each and every joke I’ve made.
BJ and Nadia
Malissa is joined on her date by her sisters. This gives Luke a chance to see what a skinny, trashy version of Malissa would look like.
Nadia
Malissa is Luke’s fourth one-on-one date in ONE day. What a GREAT day for Luke! (He got to eat FOUR meals!)
Nadia
Luke and Anna are going bowling. The official sport of people who want to move as little as possible.